Hospital Stay #1

My only previous brush with an emergency room was when I was 15 years old. I was playing goalie in a soccer game and got my pinky head butted into a direction no finger should ever point. I had long hair at the time and I remember the nurse initially thought I was a girl. This time around I had planned ahead with years of short hair. This time there would be no mistaken genders.

I always hear horror stories of people waiting in ER waiting rooms for hours. I guess I got lucky b/c I was the only one in the waiting area and was called back within a few minutes. I changed into a gown and asked about my pain level. I said it was mild and that I did not require any drugs at the time. A nurse inserted a needle for a future IV. I talked to a PA about my blood tests, my achy stomach and my testicular discomfort. Did I mention this is where the real adventure begins?

Shortly after the PA left a man around my age came in with an ultrasound machine and proceeded to use the magic ultrasound wand to image my you know where. I was playing a mental game of trying not to make awkward eye contact during the procedure. I think he was playing too.

Next came the CT scan. The interesting fact about a CT scan is the imaging fluid they put in you makes you feel like you wet your pants. They warn you this will occur. They warn you at least 10 times but still you can't help to touch your crotch a few times just to make sure you weren't the one person that actually did pee their pants. After the scan I went back to my ER room. At this point I refused to be carted around on a bed so I just walked. I really didn't feel terrible.

The PA soon came and told me I would be staying at least a few nights in the hospital. She mentioned the possibility of needing surgery. Then a surgeon came and his viewpoint was less extreme. He said a should go on IV antibiotics and be monitored for a few days. With that I was hooked up to the antibiotics and taken upstairs to the surgery ward.

In my room I had a more cushy bed. After the initial shock of a required hospital stay wore off the idea of some mandatory rest started to seem okay. I had a TV. I had my phone. Carrie brought me the kindle and a book. I was at the time immersed in the TV series Mr. Robot. This was my chance for some binging Nurses came and went to check my vitals and make sure I okay. Occasionally my IV would be changed.

There were however some negatives. Every evening for 3 days straight I had to get a shot in my stomach to prevent blood clots. This particular shot remains the least favorite needle prickings of my life to date. I also was on a clear liquid diet. This meant apple juice, jello and broth. The apple juice was good. The jello was generic and a little reminiscent of plastic flavor. The beef broth was just awful. Sorry Poudre Valley Hospital but your beef broth truly is the worst. Little did I know how these negatives would compare with my future experiences.

So I watched TV shows, movies, and read. Carrie and the kids would come by at least a couple times a day. The time went by quick and my stomach was feeling much better. I was given regular food to test my intestinal fortitude and it went well.  I was given a prescription for antibiotics to take at home. The doctors seemed fairly confident that I had diverticulitis and it would clear up. After my 3 night stay I was released and all seemed well.